All I Can Say is That My Life is Pretty Plain

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for beautiful weather!!!!!

i cannot wait for spring!!

I woke up this morning, with the following song stuck in my head:

Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
And the other gold
A circle's round
It has no end
That's how long
I want to be your friend

Have not thought about that song in years. But boy does it bring me back....second grade, when life was that simple. Oh silly childhood memories. haha

Does anyone else remember this?

Goddamn  Candy Cane flavored alcohol.





Although, I did learn some interesting things. hmm. This calls for some serious thought and discussion con mi hermana

I love being home. Just gonna say that again :)

Today i went to visit the school, which was sweet. I saw a ton of people - Kelly, Hannah, Jess, Cathy, Young Jae, Russel, Ryan (aka Faggot), Randy, Joe, Miguel, Dan, and a bunch of others. I also made plans to have coffee with Masta and Gaby sometime over break :) sweetness!

After I went to Gifts of Love and chilled with Kathryn and we caught up while babysitting two adorable children whose mom was going through the food pantry/clothes and also getting them a few Christmas presents. (Although...according to the girl, they don't do Christmas because "Satan tried to make the good people into bad people" or something like that...I'm not really sure... o.O)

Went to WeHa and chilled with Trevor and Alex, which was pretty chill. We walked around and talked, I pushed Trevor into the snow a few times, cuz we beat on each other like that. I peaced when they went to go see Juno and instead came back to Avon to chill with Jacobson!! yay!!

We watched D2 and ate Chinese food with his brothers and dad, then drove to WeHa to hang out with his friends Julia, David and another girl, whose name I have unfortunately forgotten. That was fun and awesome. Mucho cuddling amongst friends. Gotta love it.

Tomorrow is going to be awesome. I'm spending the majority of the day with my mom. We're going for a late breakfast, then (finally) cashing in on some gift certificates we got last year for Christmas and getting massages at this day spa near us. Then we're going out for lunch.

At some point I need to do a lot of knitting, so everyone will get a Christmas present, or win the lottery so I can buy people things. I have almost no money :( and it's looking like Michaels won't be needing me too much, which blows. I have one gift for each member of my family, but I want to make them each something also, and I need to get presents for the Kranksters and Trevor. I already gave Jacobson his gift - Mr. Deeds on dvd cuz he's a huge Adam Sandler fan.

ANywho, I'm tired, so i'm going to end this here, and continue chatting on aim until I can no longer keep my eyes open.

Goodnight all

woah. I have mucho to write about from last night, which I was going to do, and then i was distracted by my phone buzzing, and i opened it to up read "One New Text Message-Terry Cell"
It reads as follows.
"Hey. If you wanted to call me or come over sometime during break, thatd be cool with me."
WOah
I guess he is over being mad at me. Or at least enough that he wants to be civil and talk it out. Good. I need to see him and talk to him. I need closure and to make sure he knows I love him, but I don't think i am in love with him anymore. I hope he will understand. Even if he doesn't the only thing I can do is be honest with him and let him decide the rest after that. Oh man. Now I'm excited to go home, nervous about what'll happen and scared I'm going to lose one of the most important people in my life. :\

mmm. Last night was good. Thanks to strawberry vodka, rap music and a particularly alluring boy we came very close to kissing. But I didn't want it to be like that. A bit drunk and fumbling. So we fought our instincts. I left my mark though haha. oops.0:-) And his parents are coming today...haha.

The night progressed from just chilling and listening to ska while sipping some kool-aid and vodka (classy, right? haha) to rocking around the room to msi to very closely and passionately dancing to various rap and hip hop songs. And oh how i wanted to kiss him.

did I mention I love it when a man can dance?

Music pounding
My body's aching
Your hands grip my hips
And your lips brush my neck
It's more than i can take

The beat envelops us
And we move as one
Swaying to the rhythm
Swept up by our passion
About to lose control


I woke up this morning and realized how torn I am between wanting to go home and be with my family and friends, and staying here so I can wake up every morning in his arms.


At breakfast of course he had to show off his marks to Joe and Anna. Joe told of his perfect night last night on his (sort of) date with Taylor, Anna has a hot date tonight, it appears we are all getting what we wanted haha.
We were also joined by this strange and interesting kid, Dustin, who just sort of sat down and started talking with us like he had always been part of the group. It was funny. He seems like a decent kid, and is kind of weird, so he gets along with us well.

My room mate (Helen, not Megan) is talking to me again. I thought she was mad at me, but it turns out I'm just paranoid. She's sick, stressed and busy, and just didn't really feel like talking the past week or so. Plus I haven't really been around.

So things are definitely looking good. I am very peaceful and happy right now. You could almost say I feel at home. The only thing that is missing is a wood-burning stove.

I love the snow. LOVE LOVE LOVE it!

I just went and ran around in the snow for about an hour with Joe, Santiago, Ed and Anna. Then we ran into Seth, Josh, Alex, Matt, Greg, and Dana (who all live on my floor) and threw snowballs at each other on the gazebo in the Common. Then we played Red Rover (so much fun!!) We were soon joined by Sean, Greg, Taylor, Dave, Orien, Vinny, Goldberg (ew), and a bunch of other people. All the guys called to our side kept charging through where I stood, thinking it would be easy to break through. A couple of times they did, but usually i was pretty good at holding onto whoever i was standing next to although i did wind up in the snow a few times when i kept holding on and was barreled over. It was a lot of fun.

Now I am sitting in his room, drinking hot cocoa, wearing a pair of his sweatpants and one of his sweatshirts because all my clothes got soaked in the snow. This weekend I might be meeting his parents...

I was talking to one of my friends, who reads his lj, about all of this and she was like "WHY are you not dating him?"






...good question.

I finished reading Perks yesterday. It is an incredible book. It made me think a lot about my life since I started high school. Charlie and I are a lot alike in some ways, although I think if I had read it my freshman year of high school, we would have been almost the same person. That was such a shitty year. But I like to think I'm better for it, or at least I hope I am...I suppose that really remains to be seen.

So Tuesday night I broke it off with this kid Jeff from home, who, well I wouldn't really say I had a relationship with, because we didn't. I met him one weekend when I went home and we hooked up, and then he visited me twice in Boston. He's a nice guy, although kind of awkward and...to be honest...not the best kisser, or really my type at all. The only times we hooked up we were both drinking. Whatever. Anyway, he asked me if I wanted a relationship, and I told him no, because I wasn't ready. And he got pissed and was like "Well you should've told me that before" (aka before he drove up to Keene with me last weekend)
-sigh- I really am bad at this whole guy thing. I'm bad at saying no, but I'm especially bad at the break up part. I hate hurting people so I am always reluctant to actually do anything about it, even if I'm not particularly happy with the relationship. Part of why I didn't break up with Terry until school. Because you always need a reason to break up with someone it seems. And even if you have a feeling like it's not really working, or you just realize that it isn't for you, that doesn't seem like it's enough. It seems like something really has to go wrong for a relationship to end...but sometimes, you just know that you can't do it anymore, and as much as that sucks for the other person, I suppose sometimes you have to be a little selfish, otherwise you'll end up doing something you really don't want to do...

This is such a good way of procrastinating writing my interactive speech. I started writing it last night, and then got distracted because I went to Newbury Comics with Julie, Ed and Santiago, then we got food, and I never wound up going back to my outline, or the 8-10 page ethics paper which I also have yet to write. Thankfully I have a topic now though. YAY!

Last night I spent the night in his room again. We watched Hunchback of Notre Dame and 10 Things I Hate About You. When we were laying in bed together, he began to nibble on my ear, and ever so gently run his lips along my neck. I almost died. Those are my two weakest points. I could feel little shivers running all up and down my back and my arms, and had to fight my urge to whip around and start kissing him. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. It's not the first time I've had to fight that urge either. I just want it to be perfect. The first kiss is just...idk. I want it to be really good. Of all the first kisses I've ever had (which...to be honest...is a lot) I don't have any that I can look back on and be like..wow. That was a great first kiss. I would like to have one kiss that is like that. but that's just me being kind of silly I guess. Idealizing it. hmm we'll see.

It's snowing outside right now. I love watching the snow fall. It's so beautiful, how it blankets the entire earth in a soft layer of sparkling white. It makes everything look so peaceful, even when really, this world is not such a peaceful place. Going outside and simply standing in the falling snow, I feel like I am being renewed, and I am able to let go of my stress and simply enjoy the moment and feel a sort of inner peace and happiness. I know it sounds kind of corny, but I did that last Monday when it snowed after my conversation with Terry, and it really did make me feel better.

hmm. it's been an interesting day.

I found out I have an A in ethics :D and my teacher thinks i should consider minoring in philosophy, because apparently I have a good grasp of what we've covered this semester. I'm actually thinking about it. It is really interesting. Well, it's something to look into anyway.

I went on a "date" with Teddy tonight. (He had called me last week to make plans in advance because I'm 'always busy' haha)
It was okay. He took me to this sushi place on Newbury Street. I've only had sushi once before, with Terry when we first started dating, and I'm really not a big fan, but I said I would keep an open mind. It was pretty decent. One of the rolls had these little orange fish eggs all over it. That was interesting.
After that, we went back to his room and watched A Clockwork Orange. I love that book. The movie was pretty good. But the whole time we were watching it, I couldn't help but feel that it wasn't right. I mean, I knew I couldn't be with him. Yes, he's a cool guy and I like talking to him, he's quite smart. And I could probably have a decent relationship with him, but it just didn't have that...idk that something that makes you really want to be with someone, you know? And as we sat there, I couldn't help but wish it was someone else (a specific someone else) with their arm around me. But that's kind of beside the point.

I've been reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower the past couple of days, because the previously mentioned friend practically died when I said I hadn't read it. It's fantastic. I can relate to a lot of what Charlie, the main character, goes through. He also reminds me a lot of my friend Trevor, in the way that he reacts to some things and thinks about things. I think I'll tell him to read it if he hasn't already.

Oh and here's something I wrote during ethics today (one of a few things, actually, although I think the others will go in a different entry)
It's the first time I've tried to write a "poem" since about 9th grade, so it's probably not very good. My poetry back then wasn't very good either, although at the time I thought it was amazing, and wrote way too much of it haha.

Is it right?
It feels like it is,
Or could be
If we let it.
How do we do it,
Do this,
And not ruin everything we have?
I am scared.
Scared to let you in
Scared to hurt you
Scared I'll push you away.
I'm sorry I don't know what I want.
Should we take some time?
Or just shoot for the moon?
Is it true, what they say
That even if we miss
We'll land among the stars?
Or will we fall,
Fall harder and faster
Even than I am doing now
As I think of you?

Word...so yeah (i know its lame...but oh well). I'm going on a run to the cstore to get some much needed chocolate and speak with Joe, definitely one of my best friends here.

I should probably do some work soon too haha. Oh well. I don't feel like it right now.

I also need to get out of this habit of writing really long entries. Sorry to whoever reads this haha.

Alright so here's the deal. There is this guy I have been hanging out with a lot since last week. I talked to him for about 2 hours after Terry called last Monday. I should probably explain that...
Right, so anyway, I talked to this guy that I am friends with and he made me feel so much better. He was able to phrase a lot of how i felt about my relationship with Terry better than I probably would have.

Since then, we have hung out practically every day. Tuesday night we watched this movie Bang Bang You're Dead which was really good, and then sat around in his room, and passed his laptop back and forth, picking songs off his iTunes playlist and singing them at the top of our lungs. I was keeping him company because he had a paper to finish and was staying up all night to do so. I wound up passing out on his bed around 4 or 5 am. I woke up a few times during the night, apparently apologizing for still being in his bed and such. He just laughed at me and told me to go back to bed. In the morning, he woke me up for my 10 am class with a big cup of hot chocolate It was amazing.

Since then, I have slept in the same bed with him three times, and i mean actually slept. We have not kissed or done anything like that at all. He hasn't tried to make a move on me or anything. It's really nice.

Sunday night, when i got back from Keene, we watched the Pats game together and then went to see August Rush, which i thought was fantastic. (I mean c'mon it might be slightly cheesy if you overanalyze it, but it really makes you feel good and the music is awesome) When we left, it was sprinkling slightly out, and we went for a walk through the Commons, and just talked. He laid his sweatshirt out on a bench so we could sit down without getting wet and we sat and talked about a ton of different stuff. As we were walking back to P-Row, I just got this feeling as I walked with him, in the pit of my stomach, that I could feel very strongly about him. (if you read the entry from this morning, it sort of explains that)

I'm afraid of what might happen now. I don't want to ruin this great friendship we have, how we are so comfortable around each other and everything, and I don't know if I am ready for a relationship. If we dated and then something happened and we broke up and weren't friends anymore, I would be devastated. I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City lately (it's my guilty pleasure) and it sort of reminds me about the sixth season (happens to be the one I'm on) and Carrie's relationship with Jack Berger. They had great chemistry everywhere, even before they started dating, and made each other laugh and they were very happy. They dated and were happy for a while too, but then it all fell to shit, and (at least as far as i know, because i havent finished the season yet) they can't even talk to each other or be civil. And I really don't want that to happen.

I'm not sure what to do yet. Especially because before this whole thing started, I had been hanging out with this guy Teddy from my ethics class, and we hooked up, and spent both nights of last weekend (Nov 31/Dec1) hanging out. And I am supposed to hang out with him tonight. He likes me. And I don't know what to do about that either.

I figure this is long enough for now, and I have to run some paperwork over to one of the buildings so they keep my schedule for next semester and such.
I have a couple things to post later that this kid wrote. oh man haha.

I used to have an LJ that I kept up through most of middle school and part of high school, and then stopped around 2 1/2 years ago. Actually about the time I started dating Terry. Weird. I've missed keeping this sort of log of my thoughts, in all their randomness.

That's why I'm starting this again. A very good friend was writing on his last night, and made me realize that I missed it. (As addicting as it gets)

Things that have changed since that last entry in sophomore year of high school:
-I am now a freshman in college.
-Terry and I are no longer dating, as of September.
-In fact, as of last Monday, we aren't exactly speaking. (it's a long story that I'm not sure I want to retell again just yet)
-I am an Intrepid Krankster.
-I cut my hair. (for me a big deal)
-I think I might be falling in love. (thats kind of a secret)


That's all for now.